She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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