You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
