The maid of honor just puked.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
