It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
