I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
