dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
