I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
