I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Come see our sink grown plant.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
