I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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