Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
