Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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