I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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