Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
