Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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