No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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