i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You've changed since you got that strap on
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
