he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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