I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Randomize
