So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
