Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
