Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
