I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
