The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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