I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
try to milk me bitch
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