he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
