So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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