Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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