It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
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