just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
