i jhust puked up my retainher.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
