just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
