Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
