you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
