I hate all girls vehemently.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
