How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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