It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
