my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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