im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
