This is not my ceiling
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
We need a shit load of segways right now
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
