Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
