you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
