do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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