my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
