she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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