She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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