What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
