its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I am available for nakedness
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
