i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
