ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
