There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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