I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
