dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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