eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
